If you’re like me, every time you find yourself watching Dead Man Walking or Bull Durham, you say to yourself “Susan Sarandon’s alright, but she’d be a lot hotter if she had huge tits and a sluttier disposition.” As it turns out, ask and ye shall recieve. It turns out Sarandon has a daughter named Eva Amurri, who not only looks enough like her mother to fulfill any and all Susan Sarandon fantasies, but is also a shitty enough actress to have to pose semi-naked in Maxim to get attention. Thank you based god!
So you’re a twentysomething semi-hipster on your summer vacay from your third junior year at the local state college, and you figure, “I’ll go to Lollapalooza and check out Lady Gaga” and you show up early enough to get up front, because hey, if you’re gonna go to Lollapalooza you might as well GO to Lollapalooza. So you’re sitting there, rocking out to “Alejandro” and BAM! a virtually naked Lady Gaga is suddenly straddling you with her beastly vagina mere inches from your face. And for that moment, you’re officially the most stoked dude, probably ever. Congrats, bro!
Katy Perry went topless, the totally SFW work unfortunately, in a recent shoot for an upcoming issue British version of Esquire Magazine. She can kiss all the girls she wants looking like that and she’s still got my vote for whatever she wants to be, President, Playmate of the year, whatever. See some more pics over at the always worth checking out WWTDD.com. A question worth pondering, is how come all the foreign versions of American magazines are getting all the cool shit these days, like Lady Gaga dressing up like a dude and Katy Perry dressing up like a super attractive naked woman with giant tits? Is it because foreigners aren’t cheap bastards like Americans and still read magazines instead of just going online and reading everything for free? Either way, thanks British Esquire for paying for this photoshoot, for the betterment of all mankind.
When you play with fire, you get burned. In this case, fire is the internet, more specifically, sending topless photos of yourself to your boyfriend via the internet. It’s dangerous business. Either by way of diligent work of 1337 H4xx0rz (or more likely, an ultimate DM fail on her own part) semi-nude photos of Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams, the holy grail of fappage for legions of teenage emos, finally hit the internet last night. Thanks internet, kind of. Check the link for the uncensored photo to see what I mean. She just looks like any other high school girl desperate enough for attention to send pics of her unremarkable body to whatever lopdick they’re currently seek validation from. Back in my day, we saw girls naked the old fashioned way, by peeking in their bedroom windows at night or getting them drunk enough to go skinny dipping.
No longer satisfied with Double-Ds in Double-D, the June issue of Playboy which hits stands this Friday will feature a fold-out pic of Playmate of the Year Hope Dworaczyk in 3-D:
“What would people most like to see in 3-D?” asked Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “Probably a naked lady.”
3-D naked ladies, what a concept! Someone should capitalize on this idea by starting clubs where woman walk around naked onstage, in 3-D no less, and you can pay to go in and look at them. They could call them “strip clubs”… Man, they’d probably make a million dollars! In the meantime though, Playboy is looking to make their own loot by providing those who don’t have any real life naked ladies of their own (or at least not one that they like) something sort-of real looking to jack off to, in the process, saving their own dwindling bottom line:
Playboy certainly must do something to get more people, especially younger people, to buy a magazine that has seen circulation plummet from 3.5 million in 2006 to 1.5 million today. Editorial Director Jimmy Jellinek said he hopes the issue featuring centerfold Hope Dworaczyk in 3-D also reminds people that for all the infatuation with the Internet, there is nothing quite like having a magazine in your hands.”People want things that last and have meaning,” he said.
I know that when I think of the things in my life that last and have meaning, a bunch of airbrushed pictures of plastic-surgery enhanced broads with landing strips certainly comes up at the top of the list.
