Usually girls who you can watch having sex with dudes on the internet aren’t really my style, and especially when those girls are Paris Hilton. Add to the fact that she’s the crystalline embodiment of the current zeitgeist’s obsession with wealth and meritless notoriety, not to mention crude behavior, drug abuse, decadence, ignorance , and Paris Hilton is basically everything I hate about the world these days. Then she puts on a little Indian costume and makes it all better. Maybe its something about the archetypical symbolism being employed, some sort subconscious Halloween wizardry. Or maybe it’s the idea that when a girl who’s already certified slutty dresses up as a “slutty so-and-so” for Halloween it’s like multiplying two negatives to make a positive? Whatever’s happening here, I like it. Paris Hilton, if you’re reading this. Just start dressing like this all the time. I’ll hate you way less. Thanks.
So apparently Glenn Danzig doesn’t understand why people are “wasting their lives” thinking this photo of him buying cat litter in a Danzig shirt is basically the awesomest photo in the history of the metal. Clearly, Glenn Danzig needs to LRN 2 INTERNET. But we’ll forgive him, this day, our daily meme, in honor of his longstanding service to making devil music for the masses. He’s also hosting MTV’s Headbangers Ball this Monday. Man, I hope when I’m 55 I’m still hosting Headbangers Ball and having people follow me to the store to document my kitty-litter buying habits. Feline Pine is my usual preference, if you’re curious.
And by it, I mean Life. Informercials, besides just selling cheaply made utterly useless crap that no one needs, are also useful in that they help show us all the myriad ways we live life wrongly, wrongs that can only be cured by placing your order in the next 5 minutes! Thankfully someone on the internet knew how to do it right, and compiled this video of the greatest hits of infomercial wrongness. Thanks internet guy.
Prince, aka the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, apparently thinks that the internet is yesterday’s news. He would, of course, know what being yesterday’s news feels like:
Talking to The Mirror, Prince said: “The internet is completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it.”He went on to say: “The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated.Prince also criticised the advent of gadgets and computers: “All these computers and digital gadgets are no good.”They just fill your head with numbers and that cant be good for you.”Prince has taken his war against the internet one step further by shutting down his official website. His battle began in 2007 when he famously announced his intention to file lawsuits against eBay, YouTube and the Pirate Bay for the misuse of his music. Ever since he has banned such sites from using his music in any fashion and refused to work with legal paid-for options like iTunes.
Remember that time that Prince wore assless pants on TV? That moment alone would lead me, as a person of some reason and intellect, to take any sweeping statements made by Prince about anything beyond what it feels like when doves cry, with a grain of salt. But then again, I have a vested interest in this crazy “internet” thing.
Holy shit this is probably the greatest mash-up in mash-up history!!!1 Bryan Adams “Run to You” and Metallica’s “Enter Sandman,” seemingly musical yin and yang, seamlessly integrated both audibly and visually by some guy on the internet for our listening pleasure. Thanks internet guy!
Last night Apple began accepting pre-orders for the new iPhone 4, which you, know is gonna change to world of personal mobile computing and blah blah blah. Only problem is, no one can actually order one because the internet, or at least Apple and AT&T’s little corner of it, isn’t up to the task of accepting people’s money:
The main problem — from what we’ve been able to gather after phone calls to various AT&T and Apple customer service agents — seems to be on AT&T’s end. Quite simply, the servers that check for customer eligibility are being hit from all directions. If you’re at an AT&T store, good luck getting a pre-order to go through reliably. Online, the situation is similar, with error messages appearing after you enter in your mobile phone number and account password.
Kind of bodes ill for the whole cutting-edge technology thing, when the people making it can’t even get their store to work. Here at TruckerDeluxe, however, our online store is working just fine, so feel free to take that $299 you were gonna drop on a 32gb iPhone and buy some new shorts for the summer. They’ll work just fine, promise!
You may have seen this video somewhere on the internet, maybe you watched it, maybe you didn’t. It’s called “This Drummer Is At The Wrong Gig,” a pedestrian sort of title that leads you to believe that possibly it features some drunk guy showing up at the wrong place and fucking things up for everybody like most of the stuff on the internet. However, your assumption is wrong. In fact, the title is wrong. This drummer is definitely at the right gig. Only in a band as shitty as this, in a venue as offensively stagnant as this, could this ARTIST truly be able to display how transcendent his ability behind the drum kit is. The guy’s name is Steve Moore, and his shitty cover band Rick K. and The All Nighters is officially the coolest thing on the internet since kittens and kids coming home from the dentist. Dude has gone overnight, from playing “Wipeout” at the Bumblefuck County Fair to full-blown internet meme status. THE INTERNET: where dreams come true.
People always ask me “Yo man, how can I be downnnnn?” Actually no one’s ever actually asked me that, I just really hope that someday someone does. What people really ask me is “How do you manage to get paid for just sitting around talking about stupid shit on the internet?” Well, there’s an answer for that. Step one, of course, is acting like a boss. And as such, one of the first things you gotta do is demand the proper work area. Desks? Are for cowards and interns. If you want to blog like a boss, you gotta feel like a boss; that’s why, first day on the job, I always demand and receive a Victorian dining table be made available for my blogging. If you want to feel like the final boss of the internet, you gotta sit at the head of the table. That also leaves plenty of room for people to come sit and watch me completely dominate and leave their offerings of lunch, coffee and free merchandise at the other end of the table, THE FUCK out of my way. If you’re wondering why your blog is such a dismal failure, you need to take that IKEA shit back to Denmark and get with a real workspace man. Learn about it.
