..and no one cares because it’s not Betty White:
Rue McClanahan, the Emmy-winning actress who brought the sexually liberated Southern belle Blanche Devereaux to life on the hit TV series “The Golden Girls,” has died. She was 76.
Her manager, Barbara Lawrence, said McClanahan died Thursday at 1 a.m. at New York-Presbyterian Hospital of a brain hemorrhage.
Golden Girls was like Sex & The City for old women in the ’80s – a television show giving them false hope that they were cooler, sexier and more important to men than they really were – and Blanche was the Samantha, the horny vixen always looking to get banged by some rich dude, forever scarring the minds of young children everywhere who thought old lady’s vaginas were supposed to scab over at a certain age.
Since Betty White is currently, like, the COOLEST PERSON EVAR! it’s only fitting that she join in the coolest trend for famous women since plastic surgery: the surfacing of scandalous old pictures/sex tapes/donkey shows. In White’s case, the photos (at least the ones that have been dug up from the archives so far) are pretty tame. Just a couple of her sitting around showing off her tits and that weird sucked-in waist thing that girls used to try to rock back then (check the links for somewhat NSFW pics). No WIN has surfaced, yet. But White is apparently not too happy that these pictures are getting into the hands of her loyal internet fanbase, who definitely can’t fap to the modern Betty White no matter how hard they may try. Ah the price of fame!
I really don’t understand why all of a sudden Betty White is the fucking coolest shit in the world. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I liked Golden Girls as much as the next ’80s kid. It was a decent show about a bunch of old ladies who got banged a lot more than I’d like to think either my grandmas ever did by a bunch old dudes, did a lot of marginally humorous old lady shit and then thankfully fucked off into obscurity. Then, magically, 25 some odd years later, somehow everyone is getting a giant boner for Betty White. “But dude, it’s soooo crazy that she’s, like, old, but is, like, totally hip! She even says bad words LOL!” Well yeah, she may be old as dirt but she’s not dumb. She’s a show business professional. She saw her window, played along and now she’s hosting SNL, getting facetime on every morning and late-night talk show around and being celebrated by every hipster and shithead in the world as being some sort of comedic genius. And while I admire her for her tenacity, I have better things to do with my time than wait for an old lady to say something crazy. If I wanted to do that shit I’d get a job wiping asses at the convalescent home. I’m not age-ist, I just don’t like stupid ass shit.
