So Courtney Cox and Elle Macpherson are both 46, both have kids, and both still look pretty damn good in a bikini, though I’m sure they probably look pretty good without one too. It must suck to be an average woman these days, since surgery, personal trainers, raw food diets and whatever the hell else old rich women do to keep their “figure” allows some broad to shit out a couple kids and still look like a lithe young vixen even while pushing 50. In 20 years, these two will be almost 70 and probably still shaking their ass for the paparazzi in a thong, while meanwhile most teenage girls will be morbidly obese from eating french fries, drinking Frappucinos and sitting on Facebook all day, not realizing that their boyfriends are fapping furiously to pictures of women old enough to be their grandmother. Ah, the future!
Like those commercials say, calling something “gay” meaning “bad” is really not cool. However, in the world of sports where dudes try so hard to come across as tough guys (as opposed to coming across a tough guy’s ass) often in a blatanly homophobic way, pointing out the latent homoeroticism of their actions is at least somewhat humorous. Emphasis on the somewhat. To that end, Huffington Post just put up their 16 Most Homoerotic Sports Photos Ever Taken, which are definitely worth perusing. It also reminded me of my complete failure to blog about this real, honest to god news headline from the sports world a couple weeks back “Tired Gay Succumbs to Dix.”
Olympic bronze medalist Walter Dix edged out Tyson Gay in the former world champion’s hotly-anticipated return to the 200 meters at the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League meeting on Saturday.
You know the dude at Reuters was either horrified, or completely elated at the prospect of penning a headline about Dix hammering Gay, the most inadvertently sexually vulgar news story since the search for Mike Hunt.
Just in case you’re not already a subscriber, the current issue Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease includes an entire supplement dedicated to “Therapeutic Opportunities for Caffeine in Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Neurodegenerative Diseases.” Translated to English, this means, that drinking a bunch of coffee or a couple of Red Bulls every day for the rest of your life virtually ensures that your mind will stay sharp while your body withers and dies around you. Awesome! Really though, the study seemed to show a multiplicity of benefits to old people drinking caffeine, not only in the prevention of Alzheimers but also Parkinson’s and other forms of dementia:
“Epidemiological studies first revealed an inverse association between the chronic consumption of caffeine and the incidence of Parkinson’s disease,” according to Mendonça and Cunha. “This was paralleled by animal studies of Parkinson’s disease showing that caffeine prevented motor deficits as well as neurodegeneration “Later a few epidemiological studies showed that the consumption of moderate amounts of caffeine was inversely associated with the cognitive decline associated with aging as well as the incidence of Alzheimer’s disease. Again, this was paralleled by animal studies showing that chronic caffeine administration prevented memory deterioration and neurodegeneration in animal models of aging and of Alzheimer’s disease.”
As far as I’m concerned this shit is just gravy; I’d drink coffee every day if they showed it made you impotent and gave you AIDS. That shit is just too good. The fact that it keeps you from getting Alzheimer’s (or how people back in Willows say it “Old Timers”) will just make me enjoy it that much more. Thanks science! Now that you’ve got this figured, you should really work on that whole “toilet brush stuck in someone’s ass” thing…
Just when you think you’ve heard every “something getting stuck in someone’s ass” story the internet has to offer, comes this: In 2005, 35-year-old English woman Cindy Corton was injured in a drunken fall in her friend’s bathroom. Despite complaining of a wound in the flesh of her ass, she was sent home with just some painkillers and probably a super unbodacious hangover. After two years of constant pain, doctors finally figured out that a SIX-INCH-long piece of a broken off toilet brush handle had pierced Corton’s ass and become lodged in her body. Doctors attempted and failed to remove it twice, and on the third attempt Corton died from massive blood loss. So I guess if you’re holding your breath waiting for medical science to cure cancer or discover the secret to immortality, you’re probably going to be waiting awhile, being that this lady had a Subway-sandwich sized piece of of plastic jammed inside of her ass for two full years before doctors figured that shit out.
The odds of Miley Cyrus making it to 18 without n00dz making it onto the internet are getting slimmer every day. After catching relatively mild flack last year when pics were released of Cyrus shoving her 16-year-old ass into gay director Adam Shankman’s crotch at a wrap-party for “The Last Song” news that there is now video being shopped around filmed at the same party, that includes Shankman smacking dat ass and Cyrus giving Shankman a lapdance while a group of 10-year-olds watch is creating an internet shitstorm:
The video reportedly shows Shankman, an openly gay man, with a drink in hand as he grinds up against Cyrus’ backside on the dance floor, while she grinds back as well.The Disney star, then 16, then turns around and seductively opens the top layer of her shirt, teasing Shankman with her flirty dance moves, according to Radar.The tape also reportedly shows the “Hannah Montana” star giving Shankman a lap dance while young children watch the spectacle from less than five feet away.
Wow video of Miley Cyrus Lolita-ing her post-pubescent ass around giving middle-aged men boners? What a scoop! We’ve only seen that about 4938 times already. Wake me up when she’s got a 3-D centerfold in Barely Legal.
UPDATE: TMZ has the video here
