So it turns out that Tanner Tousignant, the child everyone had fingered yesterday as the illegitimate child former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had fathered with a member of his household staff, was actually just the old illegitimate child Schwarzenegger had fathered with a member of his staff. The newest bastard child is apparently the kid (who bears a rather striking likeness to the Terminator Sperminator) pictured above with his mother, Mildred “Patty” Baena, Schwarzenegger’s former housekeeper. Just to make it clear: Arnold Schwarzenegger risked EVERYTHING, his political ambitions, his marriage, his family, to fuck a housecleaner named Mildred with Jack-Nicholson-as-the-Joker plastic surgery, big time fronbutt and basically no sexually redeeming characteristics whatsoever. Mildred makes Monica Lewinsky look like Cindy Crawford (sorry about the double ’90s references). I mean I know Maria Shriver isn’t exactly making dicks stand at attention with her Skeletor-esque countenance, but Mildred? Really? Hopefully someone can post some pictures of Mildred in her prime and prove me wrong. Otherwise my entire worldview has been shattered.
