I’m sure at some point in the last year or so, at least one of your stoner friends or that guy at work who watches Ancient Aliens has told you about the Mayan calendar, and how it predicted the end of the world as we know it on December 22nd of this year. Well, you’ll never guess…it turns out that newly discovered Mayan ruins show that not even the Mayans thought the world was gonna end in 2012:
“It’s very clear that the 2012 date, this end of 13 baktuns, while important, was turning the page,” David Stuart, an expert on Maya hieroglyphs at the University of Texas at Austin, told reporters today. “Baktun 14 was going to be coming, and Baktun 15 and Baktun 16. … The Maya calendar is going to keep going, and keep going for billions, trillions, octillions of years into the future.”
Octillions? Thats a lot of illions, bro. Still, I’ll probably be partying on December 21st. Just in case.
Not sure who the worst person in this video scenario is:
1). This dude’s wife who is obviously a somewhat well spoken, not entirely mentally deficient grown up and yet, as shown by the video, can’t grasp the painfully obvious mathematical concept of miles per hour insofar as they actually mean how many miles an object travels in one hour.
2). The dude who filmed and posted this video which not only publicly embarrasses his wife, but also publicly outs him as a total dick of a husband, not to mention points out the fact that he’s married to a complete moron.
3). Me for watching, then posting this video and perpetuating the mindless viral insta-celebrity YouTube/Reality TV mindset that compels people to make these kinds of videos in the firstplace.
4). You, for being the entire reason for 1-3 to exist.
If you, like me, were a kid in the ’80s, ruminate on this: if Back to the Future was filmed today and set in the present time, Marty McFly would travel back in time 30 years, to 1982. You are now aware that you’re old, or at the very least aware that I’m old. Sorry.
Sometimes you and your friends just need to roll a giant truck tire down a dramatically steep mountain slope into a lake. You, know: BECAUSE ITS THERE.
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Last we checked, officials were having a hold time grabbing hold of the slippery Mike Hunt and his possible accomplice Mike Litoris. And as this video from a recent meeting of the LA City Council shows, Mike Hunt is still apparently tough to pin down.
When it comes to web videos, one of our all-time faves is the “pitted…so pitted” surfer dude. And it turns out we’re in good company; inveterate milker of internet viral videos Daniel Tosh will be sitting down with Mr. Pitted himself in tonight’s episode of Tosh.0. We were supposed to send Daniel Tosh a bunch of clothes once but we got lazy never actually did (sorry dude). But we did learn that he has a gigantic head (in terms of circumference) which I guess makes sense because dudes with big ass heads tend to be badass (7 3/4-bro here). Anyway, if none of this actually makes any sense to you, that’s cool, just watch the original legendary surfer bro video below and then watch Tosh.0 tonight on Comedy Central, if you have cable, and on the internet if you don’t (and if you don’t have the internet, you need to get yourself right, man).
Arch West, the former Frito Lay Marketing executive who created Doritos, died last week at the age of 97 from natural causes. West was on vacation in Mexico when he came across a snack shack selling fried tortilla chips, an idea that he brought to his bosses, who though initially reluctant, released the corn chips in Southern California in 1964, with the rest, of course being tasty, sodium-caked history. By the 70s Doritos were the top selling chips in the Frito Lay arsenal and have since been released in almost 40 different flavors (Cool Ranch used to be my jam, but I haven’t had a chance to fuck with Tapatio flavor yet, which definitely might be the new champ). According to West’s family, they plan on throwing burying West with some of his beloved creation, which is kind of eerily similar to a Doritos ad from last year’s Super Bowl ad contest in which a dude fakes his death to get a coffin full of Doritos. Except in West’s case he’s actually dead, so I guess it’s not as funny. Not that it was really funny in the first place. And actually now that I think about it, it actually is kind of funnier that the family of the dude who invented Doritos will be making it rain Doritos at dude’s funeral. Hopefully I invent something cool so when I die my kids can throw some of it in my grave. If not, maybe I’ll just hire someone to throw them in my grave, or at least like my dog or something. I don’t know. I need to think this over more maybe. I’ll let you know.
Among the multitude of stupid things to come out of last night’s Comedy Central roast of the inarguably roastable Charlie Sheen, was the above clip of Steve-O breaking his own nose on a stationary Mike Tyson’s fist, much to the dismay of William Shatner. The roast set the record for most watched roast of all time, which definitely proves something about something, but I’d rather not spend too much time thinking about it.
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