When it comes to the sizes of women’s clothes, every man knows there’s a whole lot of lying involved. After all, how is it possible that there’s a size 0? 0 means nothing, as in, there’s no one there. Or how about 00? But the sad truth, which anyone who works in fashion retail knows, is there’s plenty of lying going on over on the guy’s side as well. One of the largest (pun intended) areas of size-fudging in the menswear world come in the waist measurement used for pant sizing. Even though guys waistlines are, at first glance, seemingly predicated far more on the truth, as Esquire blogger Abram Sauer discovered, there’s plenty of lying going on to make you feel like less of a fatass, not to mention lack of uniformity, and an overall clusterfuck atmosphere to the world of men’s pants, known in the industry as “vanity sizing”:

The pants manufacturers are trying to flatter us. And this flattery works: Alfani’s 36-inch “Garrett” pant was 38.5 inches, just like the Calvin Klein “Dylan” pants — which I loved and purchased. A 39-inch pair from Haggar (a brand name that out-testosterones even “Garrett”) was incredibly comfortable. Dockers, meanwhile, teased “Leave yourself some wiggle room” with its “Individual Fit Waistline,” and they weren’t kidding: despite having a clear size listed, the 36-inchers were 39.5 inches. And part of the reason they were so comfy is that I felt good about myself, no matter whether I deserved it. However, the temple for waisted male self-esteem is Old Navy, where I easily slid into a size 34 pair of the brand’s Dress Pant. Where no other 34s had been hospitable, Old Navy’s fit snugly. The final measurement? Five inches larger than the label. You can eat all the slow-churn ice cream and brats you want, and still consider yourself slender in these.

Vanity sizing? In my pants? Check out the chart above to see which name-brands try to make you feel the most not-fat. Old Navy, of course, takes the cake, while H&M just sticks to cigarettes and coffee thank you very much.